Library Adventures: February 14, 2024

Despite being a married woman, I have no fondness for Valentine’s Day. Chocolates make me sigh in disgust at the lack of creativity. Red and pink roses may as well be greyscale for all their boringness (but I do like the sight of champagne-colored roses). And forget even trying to eat out on that day, unless it’s at a mall food court. Which I did do.

But I did give a gift this Valentine’s Day. I wasn’t expecting to give it, and the people who received it will never know about it. That’s because I saved their deceased loved one from the scourge of identity theft.

Our Friends of the Library group receives numerous donations year-round, with spring and summer being the heaviest seasons. Not only do these seasons signal intense house cleaning, but it appears people also choose this time to depart this mortal coil. Subsequently, they burden their loved ones with extra house cleaning.

In a desperate attempt to “get it all fucking over with,” lots of these living relatives unthinkingly grab full boxes of books and plop them on our loading dock, never once taking a peek inside to see what they’re handing off to complete strangers.

I could have simply told you that I found this tax return workbook in the box, along with this person’s Realtor licensing test and various personal files. But I felt that I had to provide proof—just enough proof without revealing Bob McRandomman’s address, full name, wife’s name, mortgage information, banks, and Social Security Number. Just imagine this person’s remaining family one day receiving phone calls about their deceased loved one being in the red on his credit card payments.

Had I been a less scrupulous person, I would have been that person sullying McRandomman’s good name, having used his information and orchestrated a scheme to have a log mansion built in my beloved Washington State. Instead, I spent ten minutes tearing up the papers, destroying all traces of addresses and SSN number. I then sprinkled the remnants into the trash can like a ticker-tape parade for cockroaches and silverfish.

My good friend, Jaybles, later told me, “You did him a solid, El.”

I guess I did. It makes me hope that there are other FOLers who do a solid.