The Matt Mitchell Mood Meliorating Marathon
The past few days have been rotten for me. Any stretch of bad luck that goes over a week has the threat of sending me into longterm depression, so I’ve been in hardcore cheering up mode. A recent find on YouTube has been doing the job just fine, and I thought I’d share. Sharing is caring, and all that.
Matt Mitchell is a humorist from Alabama, a place that’s kind of mysterious for me. My family is concentrated mostly in South Carolina and central Florida—and the northwest part of Puerto Rico, but this is the Southern side I’m talking about now—yet most of my modern experience is being formed by the Hampton Roads area. It’s still Southern, but heavily sprinkled with enough multiculturalism to the point where you forget it’s part of the South… until the summer comes. Oh, God, do you remember then…
Getting back to my original idea, I’ve never been to Alabama. Probably never will. Southern states have rivalries, so I’m inclined to think of Alabama as the Deep South AKA the forbidden zone. But Matt’s helped me realize that Southerners are more alike than we want to admit. We’re also damn smarter than the rest of the world wants to believe, and we can prove it through comedy.
The 13 Types of Southerners in Summer
Yes, people who never get bitten by mosquitos are real, and they’re mutants with charmed lives.
Every Southern State Giving Directions
I identified so hard with North Carolina and Virginia, and I’m almost ashamed to admit that I understood Louisiana.
Southern Math is Trickery
Good Lord, I used to use “a couple” in that very way until I was shamed by a grade school teacher into using it to mean “two”. She was the first in the conga line of non-family people who trained me to hate everything about myself. So you can suck a cock, Dr. Lewis. If you’re already dead, then suck it in hell.
If Chain Restaurants Could Talk
I’ve never heard of the Mellow Mushroom, but I want to eat there. Let’s see… oh, goody, there’s one on Atlantic Avenue in Virginia Beach… Wait, that’s the Oceanfront. Oh, hell, no.
If Stores Could Meet
The color coding for the stores is pretty clever here.
If Halloween Candy Could Talk
I can’t remember my parents checking my candy, but I do remember the razor blade and needle scares.
If your junk drawer could talk
Watching this makes me want to clean out every drawer, crate, shelf, and cubby I have. Granted, I’d be clearing out mostly books, but…
If Dollar General Had Delivery
Dollar store infestation is a problem down here. In fact, Dollar Tree and Family Dollar stores have been interbreeding and creating new hybrids. If Dollar General got in on that… oh, God, I gotta stop, I can’t imagine the abomination.
Ranking Little Debbie Snacks | Bless Your Rank
I don’t consume Little Debbie snacks that much anymore, but I will defend Cosmic Brownies. Matt’s just never tried it sandwich style, where you take some vanilla ice cream or frozen Cool Whip, slather it between two brownies, and hope you don’t pass out from the sugar crash. Which is why I don’t eat Little Debbie snacks that much, because I’m too tempted to experiment with them.