VTQ: Ring Fit Adventure
Video: [Vinesauce] Vinny – Ring Fit Adventure (PART 1) [YouTube]
Upload date: October 19, 2019
Game(s): Ring Fit Adventure
Console: Nintendo Switch with Ring Fit ring and leg strap
My quest to uncover the Fabled First Video is arduous. So many videos, such waning hope. I’m in need of a break while maintaining interest in this quest. The only way to do that is perform a side quest.
But not one of those “go back and forth delivering messages between lazy snots who won’t move their precious legs” or “escort a detestable mouthbreather across lava lands” missions. I need a “get karma for doing a dead easy task” side quest. Maybe I’ll also get a bonus cutscene after the credits… however those would work on a blog.
Here’s what I have in mind. Since quitting my job to focus on grad school, I’m in danger of living mostly in my desk chair. I need motivation to keep active, and there’s no better motivation than watching a gamer sweat through an exercise game I’ll never buy. It’s a fantastic way to live vicariously through someone! I can feel the endorphins flowing through my studies-mangled brain already.
Important, lawsuit-deflecting note: I’m not a medical professional, and I’ve done my best to link to peer-reviewed or professionally maintained websites where I found health and exercise references. Due your part, use your smarts: get a professional opinion if you want to try any of these moves or tips.
0:48 – We’re gonna move the body freely. I have the hoop. I haven’t eaten in two hours, so I think I’m ready to go.
It depends on how big a meal you’ve had and what type of exercise you plan on doing—and, of course, your personal physiology—but a general rule of thumb for a post-meal workout is “1-2 hours after a moderate-sized meal, and 30 minutes after a snack.” [Healthline – How Long Should You Wait to Exercise After Eating]
0:59 – Um, I’m not wearing yogurt pants, as Batman would say. “What’s the difference between me and you?” “[strained] I’m not wearing yoga pants.”
A paraphrase of some misunderstood dialogue said in the movie The Dark Knight where a Batman wannabe gets told off by the real deal. Here’s the exchange, screenshot from a script found on data researcher Stephen Follows’s website (only so people don’t try to drag me into the pads vs. pants debate):
1:17 – So, yeah, welcome, and we’ll play some Noita after this if I’m still alive.
Noita is a pixel-based physics fantasy game where players can craft their own magic to explore and lay waste to the procedurally generated world. [Steam – Noita]
3:23 – And I wanna see—maybe, maybe I’ll like it, maybe I’ll—I’ll work out, get swole like Scoot.
“Swole” is a complimentary term meaning that one is buff. Interestingly, the word (but not the modern definition) has been around for much longer, evolving from its earliest appearance in Middle English. [Merriam-Webster – ‘Swole’: An Old Word with New Meaning]
Scoot is a mallard duck and a villager in the Animal Crossing series (save for Wild World). Having the jock personality, he’s constantly seeking the next workout-related high. [Nookipedia – Scoot]
Ever the duck lover, Vinny latched on to this adorable mite and now tries to have him in every AC playthrough. Scoot has enjoyed celebrity in the Vinesauce fandom and is considered part of Vinny’s motley crew, appearing in fangames, fan art, and fanfic. Knowing the general depravity of most fanfic writers, I’m leaving that for you to search on your own. [Vinepedia – Scoot]
4:38 – My body is ready.
The famous quote said by fan favorite Reggie Fils-Aimé before demonstrating the Wii Balance Board at the E3 press conference on July 11, 2007. [Know Your Meme – My Body Is Ready]
8:40 – “Here’s the paragon of poseability: Tipp.” New Smash character confirmed.
Tipp is the androgynous, faceless, voiceless character who serves as the player’s posture pal and demonstrates how to perform warmup and cool down exercises. [Ring Fit Adventure Wiki – Tipp]
“New Smash character confirmed” refers to the tradition of introducing video game celebrities into the Super Smash Bros. lineup. Though Tipp hasn’t yet appeared in any Smash games, he did appear in one of 9-Volt’s microgames in WarioWare: Move It!
10:29 – Let’s see, if I can’t handle “good workout”, I will go down to casual—I just wish it didn’t call it casual, ’cause now, [squawky teenager voice] like, Tuckers on the internet are gonna make fun of me, dudes.
Tucker began as a character in the Tomodachi Life playthrough, but came to represent a general Vinesauce chat member who’s young, immature, obsessed with games (particularly of the shoot-’em-up kind), and either berates Vinny or worships him. So, just about any chat member. [Vinesauce Wiki – Tucker]
Note: Yes, there are two Vinesauce wikis. I’m sure that just as people confuse Vinny and Joel or believe they’re they same person, some probably also confuse the two wikis or believe they’re the same one.
11:51 – I have to jog on the yoga mat, because otherwise… y’know… it’s gonna be like, just… like, I’m not wearing shoes. All right, Quentin Tarantino, relax. Relax. I got socks on. But I’m just saying, I’m not, like, on the cold, hard floor. Captain Falcon, Tarantino, get the fuck out of here.
As far as fetishes or obsessions among the Hollywood elite go, American film director Quentin Tarantino’s love of feet is probably the least harmful—or least weird. Tarantino had been quoted by GQ claiming that having feet in films is “just good direction”. So far, none of the actors (well, actresses) encouraged to show their feet for the camera have complained. [ScreenRant – What’s Up With Quentin Tarantino & Feet?]
Captain Falcon, the world’s most famous bounty hunter racer, first appeared in F-Zero (1990) for the Super Famicom and SNES as one of four pilots in the futuristic racing game. He’s also appeared in all Smash Bros. games, making him part of the “perfect attendance crew”. [F-Zero – Captain Falcon (Super Smash Bros.)]
Nintendo, of course, would not officially give its characters kinks or fetishes, but that didn’t stop Vinny from extracting an imaginary foot fetish from Falcon’s feet-based attacks. Since all the searches for “captain falcon feet” have turned up DeviantArt results—and I want to be proud of the sins I go to Hell for—I’m ending this note right here.
12:55 – “Congratulations! You are strong! We’re going to push you to your very limits!” And then Arnold Schwarzenegger breaks down your door, he’s like, “Hey, c’mawn, you know you’ve got to work out for two hours before you have de stogie!”
Austrian and American-naturalized bodybuilder, actor, former Republican governor of California, businessman, and eternal meme Arnold Schwarzenegger has provided many standup comedians, impressionists, and content creators material just from his accent alone. He won quite a few Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia titles in his youth.
A stogie is slang for cigar, “often used to describe cheap or roughly made cigars”. [Cigar Aficionado – Stogie]
13:52 – “Good job. And now, last but certainly not least, dynamic stretching. Always remember to do some dynamic stretching before you exercise… and it prevents injuries.” That I’m aware of.
Unlike static stretching, where you hold a stretch for several seconds, dynamic stretching involves continuous movement that “mimics the activity or movement” in future exercises, improving blood circulation and helping to reduce injury. [Cleveland Clinic – Understanding the Difference Between Dynamic and Static Stretching]
14:53 – I’m dying Squirtle.
A reference to the “Im Dying Squirtle” comic where a squirtle watches a bidoof engulfed in flames. [Know Your Meme – Im Dying Squirtle]
17:21 – It was a peaceful time… until the Ring showed up. Gollum wanted it. We had to put it up Gollum’s ass, and drag him by a two-mile long chain to Mount Doom. It was good exercise, though.
Perhaps a reference to Galadriel’s narration in the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring film adaptation, in which she gives a gripping history of the Ring of Power and its long voyage through the millennia. Here’s the section I think might have been the inspiration: And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the Ring passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer.
Gollum is the pitiful Hobbit (of the Stoorish variety, for you uber Tolkien nerds) who carried the Ring for centuries, becoming corrupted by its terrible beauty. He lost it to Bilbo Baggins—or rather, the Ring found Bilbo—and was reunited with it through Bilbo’s cousin and adopted nephew, Frodo. At one point during The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Frodo and his friend, Samwise, half drag Gollum by elven rope, which burns his corrupted flesh. [Tolkien Gateway – Gollum]
18:38 – Out of Breath of the—this is Out of Breath of the Wild. [Laughs]
Obviously a pun based on The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild.
18:49 – That wasn’t goatse! [Murmuring] It was a lil-little goat…
Goddammit, there’s gonna be one of these for every entry, isn’t there?
Goatse is an enduring bit of early internet shock culture wherein a man stretched his anus to horrifically wide proportions, offering a very generous view of the inside of a human rectum. Many netizens in the late 90s were unfortunate enough to come across the image when clicking on a seemingly innocent link. Nowadays, you’re likely to see homages and parodies instead of the actual image. Be thankful for that. [Wired – Goatse and the Rise of the Web’s Gross-Out Culture]
19:03 – I mean, i—it’s—it’s definitely… y’know, Nintendo could collaborate with another company and make some extra money off of this if they really, really wanted to. You know which one I’m thinking of.
I don’t. But I do know why Chat got bothered by the buff anthro dragon.
20:06 – [Tongue click of annoyance] C’mon, the—Ring? There could’ve been a better name for this. What about Ringo? [Liverpudlian accent] “Dragaux’s dark influence has a horrible effect on anything it touches.”
The Liverpool accent Vinny is using here, made famous by The Beatles, is an older version often heard in the 1960s. [Wikipedia – Scouse]
20:44 – [Continuing the accent] A’right, now this is a serious message, you need to save this land.
In 2008, Beatles drummer and vocalist Ringo Starr kindly threatened fans via video to not send him any more fan mail or requests for autographs. Here is the full message, transcribed with peace and love:
This is a serious message to everyone watching my… update right now. Peace and love, peace and love! I want to tell you… please, after the 20th of October, do not send fan mail to any address that you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that has a date on the envelope, it’s gonna be tossed. I’m warning you with peace and love, I have too much to do! So no more fan mail! Thank you, thank you, and no objects to be signed, nothing! Ah, anyway, peace and love, peace and love!
21:09 – [Over heatbeat beeps] Are you kidding me? Why is it able to do this? [Unnerved pause] Chat, what the fuck is this?! This whole time?!
According to the official Ring Fit Adventure FAQ:
Q: How does the game measure my pulse?
A: The Joy-Con is used to check changes in the amount of light reflected by hemoglobin in the blood. Under infrared rays from the Joy Con (R) IR Motion Camera, minute changes in the amount of light reflected from the fingertips are monitored. One attribute of hemoglobin, which is present in the blood, is that it reflects infrared light. When the heard beats, the amount of blood flowing to the fingertips fluctuates, and accordingly, there are fluctuations in the amount of infrared light reflected. These phenomena are utilized to measure the player’s pulse.
21:31 – That’s mental! I had no idea—now, now my… vital signs have been copied. Tencent now owns me, fuck!
Tencent Holdings Ltd. is a conglomerate based in Shenzhen, Guangdong, China. When I say conglomerate, I mean it. The company has several holdings locally and all over the world. Some assets include Fatshark (Sweden), Ubisoft (France), and Riot Games (USA), the last of which makes the popular meal ticket for many content creators, League of Legends. [Wikipedia – Tencent]
22:52 – Better story than Dragon Quest XI. No. No, I’m lying. C’mon.
Dragon Quest XI: Echoes of an Elusive Age is the eleventh (no, really) installment in the long-running Dragon Quest series by Square Enix. The game was originally going to be an open world, but the developers scrapped it and focused on the story they wanted to tell. It seemed to have worked, because despite being the eleventh installment, it still found a way into fans’ memories as a worthwhile game to play. [Wikipedia – Dragon Quest XI]
23:40 – I don’t think this is gonna be one of those things that really grips you, this is gonna be a Xenoblade Chronicles, is it?
Xenoblade Chronicles is an action JRPG series combining mecha, gnosticism, science fantasy, and a slew of other tropes typically found in this kind of worldbuilding. It also has incredible soundtracks. [Xenoblade Wiki]
23:53 – The point is to get your blood moving so it can copy that and send your, uh, heuristics to China.
Old reliable Merriam-Webster defines heuristic as “involving or serving as an aid to learning, discovery, or problem-solving by experimental and especially trial-and-error methods.” I’m not sure what word Vinny might have meant to use here. [Merriam-Webster – Heuristic]
27:15 – I dunno if I’ll stick with this game, but it definitely does what it’s supposed to do. So that’s why I’m gonna drink some water. [Pause.] H30. That’s what I have. It’s way better, way better.
Vinny may have been joking here, but H30 is a real product: Rejuvenated – H30.
28:36 – It’s like Mario Sunshine!
Another Vinesauce favorite, Super Mario Sunshine came out for the GameCube in 2002. In this title, Mario and his pals go on vacation, only for him to get swept up in another adventure where he has to save the island and Princess Peach… again. Fans and critics were divided on the F.L.U.D.D. (Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device), but the soundtrack, graphics, story, and overall gameplay still ensured the game’s status as a classic. [Mario Wiki – Super Mario Sunshine]
28:40 – Someone’s gonna find a way to use this hoop… in other weird ways. I dunno if it’s gonna be Nintendo… but it’ll happen. This thing is going up someone’s ass!
Not that I’m brave enough to read any of these, but there is a collection of Ring Fit Adventure fanfics on AO3, with all the expected tags to narrow down your particular “interest” you sick fucks. [Archive of Our Own – Works in Ring Fit Adventure (Video Game)]
29:32 – I have to out-swole them! I have to do poses like a bodybuilder? Shit, Mr. Universe, here I come.
Formerly the Mr. Universe Contest, the Universe Championships are annual bodybuilding contests organized by the British National Amateur Body-Builders’ Association. It originally promoted the absolute best and beefiest in male physiques, but it now includes categories such as women; teenagers; over 45 and 55; and toned, athletic, and trained figures. [NABBA]
30:59 – I feel like… like I’m using feet power, like bad feet smell, to defeat this enemy.
“Bad [insert noun] smell” is a Vinesauceism that pops up every so often. Searching for its origin has turned up nothing concrete, and I suspect I should be glad for that.
31:20 – Faster! Ohhh, yeah, zip zoom! Oh, feel the burn! Oh, my core hurts!
“Zip zoom” is Scoot’s catchphrase, the adorable little dickens.
32:31 – [Zack]… from Final Fantasy… is a goddamn beast—the amount of squats that motherfucker can do!
Zack Fair from Final Fantasy VII performs squats in a very vigorous fashion. Consensus among fans seems to be that doing the exercise this way could result in knee damage. (Well, at least the fans who possess a modicum of common sense.)
33:00 – Ohh, you… you’ve got yourself a li’l workout and you’re breathing heavy, you li’l fuck! Get yourself some fucking kale, you dirty li’l twat bag! WORK OUT HARDER! Oh, you’re winded already! Oh, that’s great! Back in my day, when we ran from the fuckin’ tanks, we didn’t have a choice but to run, you li’l pansy!
An impression of Scottish content creator Brian “Limmy” Limond and a reference to his famous “Back in my day, the game was the game” meme. Depending on where you are in the world, the clip may not be available for viewing. But don’t worry, Vinny quotes it often enough, so you don’t need to watch the original.
34:00 – Oh, man, I’m gonna have deltoids… like The Rock after this. I’m gonna be able to fly!
Deltoids are the triangular formation of muscles—anterior, lateral, and posterior deltoids—that cover the ball-and-socket joint of the shoulder and enable the arms to be moved in different directions. [Cleveland Clinic – Deltoid Muscles]
American wrestler and actor Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has had quite the life. Describing it will rival the description I gave Shaq in Quest #3, so I’ll just say that Johnson frequently turned heel during his WWF/WWE career, is an international movie star, and scored mega girl dad points by having tea parties and dressing up as Pikachu for his daughters. Don’t take my word for it, just look it up.
42:55 – We’re gonna be here a while, huh? I will never complain about the 30-minute Emerald Weapon fight ever again.
Emerald Weapon is a Final Fantasy VII superboss located at the Bottom of the Sea and accessible only via submarine. That said, the player will have only 20 minutes to beat it unless they have Underwater Materia equipped. Before you scoff at Vinny saying it took him 30 minutes, the boss has 1,000,000 HP. [Final Fantasy Wiki – Emerald Weapon (Final Fantasy VII)]
43:40 – Okay, arms—arms a little spaghetti right now, but that’s okay.
Possibly a mixup of lyrics from American rapper Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”, the hit song from 8 Mile (2002). From the first verse:
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti
45:38 – And, again, the HD rumble, like, vibrates when you’re doing that shit.
Game Rant describes the HD rumble as “a haptic feedback engine hidden inside the Joy-Con and Pro Controller.” The following 2022 article has a short list of games where the feature can be enjoyed. [Game Rant – Best Uses of HD Rumble on Switch Games]
46:19 – Luigi’s Mansion… 3… featuring Ghost Foot!
A Switch title and the third game in the beloved Luigi-centric franchise, following Luigi’s Mansion (GameCube) and Luigi’s Mansion 2: Dark Moon (3DS and Switch). Ghost Foot is Vinny’s invention for this bit, but don’t be surprised if that somehow becomes real through the magic of fanworks.
50:15 – That’s cool—I re—yeah, probably have a little bit of arrhythmia. “Just gonna get a bit of arrhythmia, Stan.”
Arrhythmia is an irregular heartbeat where the heart can beat too slow, too fast, or have an irregular pattern. [Mayo Clinic – Heart arrhythmia]
“Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan.” Uttered by Randy Marsh from South Park S14 E3 during his attempt to get a medicinal marijuana card. [South Park Archives – Medicinal Fried Chicken]
51:05 – I’m—I’m fuckin’ massive right now, you have no idea, Chat.
Author, fitness mentor, and all-around buff boy Zac Perna (Instagram: @zacperna) roleplayed as the Boy Who Lifted in a clip that went viral. Vinny plays the whole thing around 51:27.
53:21 – I can dislocate my, uh, shoulder on purpose… if I do this. True story. Just a little bit. You can’t even notice it if you see it. But I can hear it.
By the sound of it (not the shoulder popping), Vinny may have shoulder instability. Or hypermobility. Or positional non-traumatic dislocation. Maybe he has shoulder goblins for all I know. Like I said before, I’m not medically trained, but the people at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine are. [Johns Hopkins School of Medicine – Shoulder instability]
I got some more terms from this physiotherapist fella based in Galway, Ireland. [Evidence-Based Therapy Centre – Shoulder dislocation, instability and hypermobility]
56:54 – I wanna do, uh, one I can do sitting down. Because I am babby.
A popular Vinesauceism, a corruption of the word “baby”. Hang around long enough and it will enter your lexicon.
57:07 – Potter.
An impersonation of Severus Snape from the Harry Potter films, as masterfully portrayed by the late British actor Alan Rickman. If you didn’t know right away what that impression was, we’ve finally entered the golden age of moving past that obsessive bullshit.
57:32 – Better than most Mario Party minigames.
Nintendo’s longest-running minigame series, featuring Super Mario characters in a variety of board game-based minigames. By December 2014, the franchise had sold “a cumulative total of 39.6 million copies worldwide,” tested 60 million friendships to the limits, contributed to 24 million controllers being thrown across the room, and fostered the advanced vocabulary of 240 million children (but I’m just spitballing those last few numbers). [Super Mario Wiki – Mario Party (series)]
57:38 – Crash Bandicoot wants to have a word with this game’s creators.
The Crash Bandicoot games were developed by Naughty Dog Games for Sony Corporation to rival the unbeatable Sonic and Mario franchises, and the snarky 90s commercials let you know it. Despite being another in a long line of 90s mascots that never achieved the same level of fame as a hedgehog or a plumber, the genetically-enhanced marsupial survived and continues to thrive thanks to a dedicated fanbase. Crash’s attack style is spinning, with the most common powerups being stored in crates. [Bandipedia]
58:00 – [Strained] Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa yeah, Sylvester Stallone!
American actor Sylvester Stallone is forever tied to his breakout role as Rocky Balboa in the sports drama Rocky (1976), about an underdog athlete seeking a heavyweight championship title. Seeing how he wrote the script, Stallone would also be invested in the development of the six centric films, spin-off Adonis Creed series, and possible Drago project. [Wikipedia – Sylvester Stallone]
58:59 – [Arnold impression] You can get your glutes worked out.
Well, I already described deltoids. It wasn’t going to be long before I described butts.
Glutes are the gluteus maximus, gluteus medius, and gluteus minimus. Although they’re often a source of comedy or arousal, they do serve important functions, such as sitting, walking, and making denim jeans look great. [NIH: National Library of Medicine – Anatomy, Bony Pelvis and Lower Limb, Gluteus Maximus Muscle]
1:04:19 – So I will stream more of it. It’s probably not gonna become a regular occurence, but I might try to keep up with it, and do a little bit each day if I can. And that way I can… get so swole that you’ll see me at a convention and be like, “Is that Shia LaBeouf? Why is he so massive?” Shia LaBeouf got jacked, by the way.
American actor Shia LaBeouf got his start in the Disney Channel comedy Even Stevens before receiving worldwide recognition for his roles in Disturbia (2003), Transformers (2007) and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). In 2013, he came under fire for plagiarism, but has somewhat redeemed himself through projects like 2019’s Honey Boy and The Peanut Butter Falcon. [Wikipedia – Shia LaBeouf]
Want to get buff like LaBeouf? Quit your day job, kiss your loved ones farewell, and prepare to live in the hardcore hardgainer routine: Are You La BUFF Enough? The Shia LaBeouf Workout! (Given the references to LaBeouf’s 2013 movies, I’m assuming that this article was published in that year, but the article is dated 2020; some updates or edits may have been made but not mentioned.)
Video: [Vinesauce] Vinny – Ring Fit Adventure (PART 2) [YouTube]
Upload date: October 27, 2019
Game(s): Ring Fit Adventure
Console: Nintendo Switch with Ring Fit ring and leg strap
0:03 – [Arnold impression] ‘kay, everybody, hello, it’s me Ahnuldt. Welcome to the Ring Fit stream, we’re going to pump… we’re going today—we’re going to work… on the [Jamie?]… we’re going to work on the calves, the quadriceps, the hamstrings, the glutes, he—uh, the, uh, the, lats, uh… traps… abdominals… pectorals, deltoids… triceps, biceps, forearms… going to get pumped and lift…
Look them up yourself, lazy. No, I have a self-imposed duty, but I’m sticking with one website for this, because I’m not scouring all of Creation for references.
Calves go by the technical term of gastrocnemius muscles. They pull up the heels and provide “propelling force in running and jumping,” which is an interesting sentence to type. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Gastrocnemius muscle]
Quadriceps femoris muscles cover the front and sides of the thighs, and are made up from the rectus femoris, vastus lateralis, vastus medialis, and vastus intermedius. I sure don’t know what all those words mean, but I do know that these muscles altogether contribute to most activities involving the legs. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Quadriceps femoris muscle]
Hamstrings are at the back of the thighs. Their primary functions are flexing and rotating the leg, extending the thigh, and getting easily injured. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Hamstring]
Traps is the nickname for the trapezius muscle, which resides at the back of the neck. It supports the shoulders and limbs and helps raise arms above shoulder level. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Trapezius muscle]
Abdominal muscles are made up of the external oblique, internal oblique, transverse abdominis, and rectus abdominis. Among their many functions, abs protect organs, help in many bodily functions, and drive people to invest insane amounts of time and money in weight loss aids, exercise equipment, and training videos to achieve a perfect flat or six-pack look. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Abdominal muscle]
Commonly known as pecs, the pectoralis muscles are made up of the pectoralis major and pectoralis minor. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Pectoralis muscle]
Deltoideus muscles cover the shoulders and help raise the arms laterally. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Deltoideus muscle]
Triceps have three heads (that’s a curious image), “or points of origin”, along the back of the upper arms, just below the shoulders. [Encyclopedia Britannica – Triceps muscle]
Bicep muscles are muscles with two heads (there’s that curious image again). In us humans, there are biceps brachii (on the front side of the upper arms) and biceps femoris (one of the hamstring muscles). [Encyclopedia Britannica – Biceps muscle]
Forearms are the part of your arm going from your wrist to your elbow. I don’t think I need a reference for that.
1:56 – And the, um, Variety is Hope thing is going on, which I’ll be back for later.
Spearheaded by former Vinesauce member Hootey, this event and 501(c)3 charity helped raise funds for medical research and promoted goodwill causes. Arranging these events took a lot of time and effort, and the team would outperform themselves every year. The last event took place in 2022. Vinny and the Vinesauce collective do smaller charity streams throughout the year, so the spirit lives on. [VRChat Legends Wiki – VarietyisHope]
2:31 – All right, time for me to be out of breath, and I’ve got my water, I got my spine, got my orange crush, I’m ready to do this.
Quoting R.E.M.’s breakout song “Orange Crush”:
I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush
(Collar me, don’t collar me)
I’ve got my spine, I’ve got my orange crush
(We are agents of the free)
I’ve had my fun and now it’s time to serve your conscience overseas
(Over me, not over me)
Coming in fast, over me (oh, oh)
[Louder – Orange Crush: How REM wrote the song that kickstarted their career]
3:24 – Again… my reasoning for no face cam is, you don’t need to see an out-of-shape jabroni in compromising positions, and if you do, go watch a movie instead, it’s much better entertainment, c’mon.
Jabroni is American slang for a stupid, contemptible person. It’s used often in New York, New Jersey, and by The Rock. [Dictionary.com – Jabroni]
4:32 [Singing] Young man!
From the Village People’s most iconic son, “YMCA” (1978)
8:45 – This sounds like—what song is that? It sounds like one of those weird YouTube kids’ songs. I don’t know which one, but it’s familiar. Oh, the shark song, yeah. The s—”Baby Shark” song, yeah.
If you haven’t heard of “Baby Shark”, is there room under that rock you’ve made your home? This accursed bit of internet culture is South Korean entertainment company Pinkfong’s most popular version of an alleged public domain song. It became the most beloved video of unsupervised internet-dependent sprogs. I don’t have the research to back up my suspicion, but I’m guessing that this was one of the more popular “babysitters” on YouTube, since the original video has amassed “over 14 billion views as of March 2024”. [Wikipedia – Baby Shark]
10:44 – Man, my arms are getting a nice workout today. I’m gonna be fuckin’ swole like Vinesauce Fighter meme version of me.
Vinesauce Fighter is a fangame made for the M.U.G.E.N. engine. [AK1 M.U.G.E.N. Community – Vinesauce Fighter 1.0.0]
Of course Vinny played it: [Vinesauce] Vinny – Vinesauce Fighter Ultimate Meme Showdown
12:10 – Yeah! SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair reporting for duty! It’s me, Zack, Sephiroth! [Pant. Exhale.] I’m gonna be just like you when I grow up! [Breathe. Struggle.] My sword is bigger, Sephiroth!
Without giving away too much of the story in Final Fantasy and related games, Zack and Sephiroth have a connection. Here’s the appropriate link to spoil everything, if you’re interested: Final Fantasy Wiki – Zack Fair.
14:14 – [Singing] Sheeeeets of ehrmpty caaahnvas / Untouched SHEETS of claaay
The opening lines of Pearl Jam’s “Black”, sung in a style reminiscent of vocalist Eddie Vedder.
21:10 – I feel… I feel like an Adonis.
The young Greek god of love and desire, commonly seen as the ideal male figure.
22:15 – [Accent] Bbplease… do not play… Deee… [Exhale] MC 3.
A reference to the incessant request for Vinny to play Devil May Cry 2, or any of the games in the franchise.
22:52 – It’s the power of friendship and love. Only through that can we overcome Emperor Palpatine.
Emperor Palpatine AKA Darth Sidious is the ultimate Big Bad of the Star Wars franchise. He was a Dark Lord of the Sith, Emperor of the Galactic Empire, political mastermind—and I now realize that I could have summed up his evilness with just the latter. Although it took more than syrupy affection to defeat him, it’s the worn-out thought that counts. [Wookiepedia – Darth Sidious]
23:29 – Wouldn’t it be great if they got Arnold to do the voice of the Ring? I’d be so much more motivated to do workout. [Long pause.] I can give you, like, a little sample of what it would be like. [Typing.] So this is what it would be like if, um, if Arnold did the—the voice of the Ring in this game.
It’s as satisfying to me as, uh, coming is, you know, as, eh, having sex with a woman and coming. And so, can you believe how much I am in heaven? I’m, like, eh, getting the feeling of coming in the gym, I’m getting the feeling of coming at home, I’m getting the feeling of coming backstage when I pump up, when I pose out in front of 5,000 people, I get the same feeling, so I’m coming day and night. I mean, it’s terrific, right? *sploogy explosion*
A mashup of an actual interview with Arnold from Pumping Iron (1997)—absolutely none of it was edited—and a scene from Total Recall. [YouTube – Arnold Schwarzenegger Cumming]
And for a visual bonus, around 25:14, Vinny throws up a GIF of the MCI commercial showing Jonathan Frakes laughing in rapturous joy over whatever he heard on the phone. [YouTube – MCI Commercial with Leonard Nimoy, TOS Cast and Jonathan Frakes]
25:41 – I watched a video of Arnold making a smoothie, and he put a whole raw egg in the smoothie, including the shell, because [Arnold voice] it’s good for calcium. [Normal] You just grind it, like, you gotta, y’know, use th-the blender. Don’t breathe this eggshell smoke! But still, absolutely fucking disgusting.
The debate on “raw eggs are safe” versus “bacteria will eat you from the inside out” debate will continue into perpetuity, but here’s an article to get you started on choosing a side should you ever find yourself in the middle of a fierce online argument. [Healthline – Is Eating Raw Eggs Safe and Healthy?]
You can use eggshells to add more calcium to your diet, but, as with any supplements, there are some risks involved. [Healthline – The Benefits and Risks of Eating Eggshells]
You can watch Arnie making his smoothie on the Men’s Health YouTube Channel: Arnold Schwarzenegger Shares His Protein Shake Secret.
27:18 – [Arnold voice] When I’m having stogie behind my wife’s back, oh, it’s, it’s terrific!
A reference to Arnold’s affair with a housekeeper, which resulted in a son who was born mere days after the son he shares with ex-wife Maria Shriver. If you’re a gossip whore, there are plenty of references on his Wikipedia page. [Wikipedia – Arnold Schwarzenegger]
29:43 – Popeye I ain’t!
I was going to be cute and write a ditty here, but I remembered that I can’t write songs. Popeye made his debut on January 17, 1929 in the long-running Thimble Theatre comic strip. He was meant to only ferry Castor Oyl to another island, but he ended up sailing into the world’s collective heart. [Popeye – Timeline]
Popeye’s powerup of choice is a can of spinach, which many informed people will tell you isn’t very high in iron. But it’s an established Favorite Food Item, so the lie must never die. [Forbes – Popeye, Spinach And ‘Bad’ Data: AI Lessons To Learn From ‘The Lie That Won’t Die’]
30:31 – This is like that, uh, the person who wrote the article about Goose Game being good, except the fact it’s a video game. It’s like, “Boy, I’d like this game a whole lot more if I didn’t have to work out.”
Untitled Goose Game is a charming little game where you play a goose terrorizing an English village in your uniquely goosey way. Vinny played it during his anti-goose phase. His disdain slowly melts into delight as he roleplays his then-mortal enemy. It’s almost a character arc. [[Vinesauce] Vinny – Untitled Goose Game (PART 1) and (PART 2)]
Life is short and I don’t feel like trawling through football fields’ worth of spittle from critics, so if you’re interested in finding the review in question, you can start with this Reddit *hisssss* post: Untitled Goose Game – Review Thread
31:04 – It’s like the fucking Defender video game. [Out of breath] That was—oh, you know that was? That was me yesterday playing two days ago, playing DMC 2. That was my heart rate during that game.
Defender was a horizontal scrolling shooter and a staple in 80s arcades. [Wikipedia – Defender (1981 video game)]
Devil May Cry 2 (2003) is a Capcom title for the PS2, and one of the most requested titles that Vinny deigned to fulfill. [Devil May Cry Wiki – Devil May Cry 2]
31:46 – We were made flawed, that our bodies, without pain, turn into weak… flabs of sixty-year-old flesh, like Gumby.
Once a little slab of clay, created by American artist Art Clokey, this green humanoid clay figure made his debut in stop-motion shorts, and went on to have adventures in comics and games, and spawn the requisite endless merchandise. [Gumbyworld]
32:18 – Kinda almost looks like a Skyward Sword pair of NPCs. Kind of.
The art style shifts from cell shading to a softer 3D rendering reminiscent of that seen in Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. Since it’s a Zelda title, Vinny was obligated to play it: [Vinesauce] Vinny – The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.
34:26 – I’ll be doing, um, for the Variety is Hope thing, I’ll be doing, uh, Alchemilla, it’s a Silent Hill/Half-Life 2 mod that’s really cool and creepy and atmospheric, and it should be, should be fun.
Silent Hill is just one of Konami’s treasures, sprouting from a single 1999 video game and blooming into a franchise including an animated series, comics, and more video games. Aside from the usual horror, supernatural, and occult themes, the franchise has delved into unsettling topics such as mental health and distress, abortion, repeating hallways, and religious corruption. [Silent Hill Wiki]
Half-Life 2 is a science fiction shooter game from the Valve Corporation, released in 2004. It takes place about 20 years after the events of the first game. The game itself took five years to develop, and it might take five times that long for Half-Life 3 to come out. [The Half-Life & Portal Encyclopedia]
Alchemilla is a Half-Life 2 mod built on the Source engine. It drew inspiration from Silent Hill, but was a self-contained game with its own puzzles and history. [Mod DB – Alchemilla]
Here’s the VOD: [Variety is HOPE] Vinny – Silent Hill: Alchemilla (Half-Life 2 Mod)
46:57 – Usually you get cramps from playing video games if you’re inactive. Like, if I’m not mistaken, I read an article ’bout that your anus could explode if you sit in one place for too long.
*groans into her fists* The imagery of wet, fibrous ribbons exploding from meaty buttocks is too horrific to imagine all by myself, so I’m sharing it with you, Dear Reader. Don’t complain, it’s engagement.
Putting in the phrase “exploding anus from sitting for too long” and other variations brought up…
Hemorrhoids, the varicose veins of the rectum. [Mayo Clinic – Hemorrhoids]
Prolapsed rectum, where the lower big intestine slips outside. [American Society of Colon & Rectal Surgeons – Prolapsed rectum]
48:02 – [Arnold voice, menacingly] Jamie. I need the cookies. JAMIE. I NeeeEEEEdd the CooooOOOOKkkies.
A memey Arnold impression from Jingle All the Way (1996). In this Christmas family comedy, Arnold plays Howard Langston, a mattress salesman, workaholic, and typical son ignorer and his quest to redeem himself by securing the hottest toy that holiday season. The cookies bit refers to the best scene where Ted Maltin, played by the late Phil Hartman, is taunting Howard over the phone by zealously enjoying cookies baked by Howard’s wife. Fully understanding the implications, Howard demands that Ted “PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN!”
Achievement Unlocked: Vicarious Vinesauce-ometrics – If Vinny can move it, so can you. Get to it, slacker.
Well, I’m feeling like a right fool now. I thought this was going to be like a “fetch ingredients for the sweet matron’s energy-replenishing potion and get a free sample as a reward” quest. Instead, this had the energy of Getting Knocked Out and Waking Up in Strange Places All the While Completing Honey-Do Lists for Jagoffs In an Overarching Political Intrigue Bullshit Quest… or as I like to call it, The Elder Scrolls Online.
But I brought it upon myself, so I’ll take my lumps… and my achievement.
After all that writing, I feel like I need cookies as well. When I’m finished putting hundreds of calories into my body, I think I’ll ascend to pure light so I can be done with muscles, bones, blood, and other gunk. What have my tonsils ever done for me? Little cold-catching bastards.
Despite my complaining, doing this side quest was useful: it gave me time to watch the videos in my playlist to jog my memory. Instead of a daunting twenty-some videos, I have about 12-14 to watch. Maybe with a few more re-watches, I may reduce that number further.
In fact, maybe I’ll take the time to do that for the next couple of weeks or so. I have other projects calling to me—incessantly gnashing their teeth, even. That said, I’m not going to say what the next video is, because not even I know at this point. But you can be sure that the next installment will be chock-full of references, somewhat carefully curated sources, and soulful introspection. Sorta. I called it the Questening for a reason.