if (curious) { learnCode(); }

It’s my first headache of the year. I must be doing something right if it came so late in January. Schoolwork has been merciful… so far. I’ll enjoy this relative peace while I can because I have a distinct feeling things are going to start getting messy—both offline and online.

To keep myself grounded, I’m easing into my latest distraction: game development.

February and March are going to be exploratory months. I recently worked out a reputation system in Ren’py that didn’t break a barebones game, so I’m feeling fairly confident in trying other mechanics—and possibly other engines.

I’ve seen videos of people testing the limits of Ren’Py and RPG Maker with sidescrollers, robust combat systems, and drag and drop mechanics. GameMaker has also proven itself to be a worthy contender because of Pizza Tower and Arzette. In fact, I got through a complete tutorial today without a single snag. The Godot tutorials I’ve followed are out of date, missing crucial steps, or based on a different version of the engine before the authors relocated important tabs.  

Of course, one successfully completed GameMaker tutorial doesn’t mean development will be flawless going forward, but it’s given me confidence—which I believe is more important than bloodying my digits wrangling code just to prove something to elitist internet nobodies. I’m struggling enough in other areas in my life; I don’t need to add to the pile by feeling like I have to earn the right to explore a hobby.

Anyway, I have a couple of ideas for whatever I end up making:

A female duck with purple and magenta feathers. Feathers on her head resemble a stylish mohawk. She stares at a gem, surrounded by mushrooms.

I don’t know if they’ll be in separate games or in the same one, but they might make game devving more fun.

Now I have to look up if “game devving” is an actual term.

A hypothetical reader is probably snorting, “Don’t you have enough projects going on right now?”

Yes, I do, but I’m not cramming them all into my days. Some days I feel like working on zines, others are for art, and some are spent mostly on schoolwork.

Part of my resolve for 2025 is to maintain the momentum I found late last year. When I started venturing out, meeting new people in the LIS world, and experimenting outside of my routine, my life felt like it was finally changing. They were tiny changes, but they felt incredible, like I had kicked off dirt from a stone path, revealing where it branched out under the grass and weeds.

I don’t know which path will lead me to the best life, but it’s better than standing at the beginning, hemming and hawing, wishing opportunities would appear. That future isn’t coming up the path to find me—I have to go down the path to find it.

Yeah, I’ve heard the old “clear off your plate/clean up your life before you start anything new” BS. That would make life tidier, wouldn’t it? Less confusing, less busy. But my plate will always be loaded, and life will never not be messy. Some things will fall off the plate anyway, as it usually happens. If I’d waited until things were “perfect”, I never would have applied to grad school—and applying to grad school is exactly what started turning things around for me.

I’m not waiting for my life to get better before trying new things and meeting new people. I’m trying new things and meeting new people because I want my life to be better.

And if making a dinky little game about a duck collecting gems and mushrooms—which might not be the end product—somehow accomplishes that, even in the smallest way, then I’m all for it.