I said I wasn’t going to take a break, but after another reminder of certain people and events, and the effects they’ve had on me this year, I’ve realized that I do need to step away. Right now, my usual hangouts are constant reminders of the very things I’m trying to move past, and if I’m going to make real progress in rebuilding and recovery, I need to get away—from blogging, attending streams, watching VODS, chatting, everything I’ve been doing online this year.
I thought I could blog about other things, but forcing myself to write them now would feel shallow and empty. I’m already looking back on the few “positive” posts I recently made with regret because there was no heart behind them. I’d rather be honest than lie that everything is peachy and I’m getting along with everyone in my circle—and I’d rather have this blog be a collection of things I enjoy than a growing reminder of how awful 2024 has been.
But if stepping away eventually means cutting some things and people out entirely, or leaving certain spaces for good, then that’s what will have to happen. For now, I need to isolate from the online world and wait for this storm to blow over. (And yes, there is something brewing. If you have any kind of deep observational skills, and you don’t let others’ bullshit dampen your senses, you’ve known about it for some time as well.)
But I want to give something to the others who’ve been similar situations to mine, or who are in the same current situation. If you’ve felt dismissed, overlooked, ignored, belittled, or insulted for noticing that things weren’t as they seem, for voicing concerns, for doubting camaraderie that felt forced, or for even simply wanting a space where everyone was respected—I see you. I know exactly how you feel. Don’t let anyone make you doubt your gut instinct. You have the ability to see what others can’t see or are ignoring for the sake of an illusion of perfection and happiness. You’re a truth teller, and very few people will appreciate you for it. Let them clean up the fallout, and focus on keeping yourself safe. As I’ve learned the hard way, no one else will come to your rescue or stand up for you. You’re your own hero—be proud of that.
I’ll be back after the new year. When exactly that will be, I don’t know. But salvaging what remains of this year with works and in a space where I truly feel hopeful and at peace will be my gift to myself.